Sleep... what's that?

When my baby belly protruded into the Earth's outer atmosphere, strangers felt secure enough to give me mothering and baby advice knowing I was very pregnant, not overweight. Tagging along with the unsolicited commentary was always something along the line as, "get your sleep now." What? This made no sense to me at 3 months pregnant when I got to sleep 8 hours a night like I always had, nor did it at 8 months when BabyZ kicked me religiously through the night preventing me from a sound slumber. Get my sleep now? Yeah right- it'll be better when this kid's out of me and not kickin' through the night.

I had these silly ideals that somehow my parenting experience would be remarkably different than everyone else. I thought this mainly because as artists/musicians, my husband and I were unlike many people we knew at that time and chose to do things more alternatively/ non-traditionally than many of my pregnant counterparts. So I figured the advice given from strangers with assumed non-similar traditions would not apply to me. Little did we know that infants don't know the difference. All they know is eat, sleep, poop, coo, play and repeat every few hours. They don't care if it's 2AM or 4AM and if you are trying things naturally or traditionally, or if you have to wake up early the next day to work or if you are sick, or have a horrible headache or just need some creative, alone time. All they know and care about are their needs. The rest is beyond their world or concern.

The first year challenged our sleep regimen, especially without relatives close by. We worked with attachment parenting and parent directed feeding practices in the first year trying to extend our baby's sleep (and ultimately ours). Cali did best co-sleeping with us. I, however, didn't sleep too well. I had the new mom's heightened awareness of movement and noise as well as a bright night light on so I could wake up and see her breathing throughout the night. We finally decided to move her into her own bed at 5 months when she started waking at 2 am and began singing. That's when we all started sleeping a bit better. Then my husband and I negotiated a schedule, switching off early morning wake-up calls with other bartered duties. And since we both had little work at that time, we often were able to "catch up" with a nap when she napped. But "catching up" never amounted to much because it only sewed 5 hours into 7 hours, or occasionally 7 hours into 9. And rarely would the 5 or 7 hours be 5 hours of straight sleep; they were more like patching a few hours here and there together.

The chance we'd get to indulge in anymore sleep aligned with weekend visits from Grandma. And since she took our shifts in the morning, we'd try to maintain our marriage by heading out after the last breastfeeding for late night rock shows. But since those nights started late and ended at 1 or 2AM, we would really only get a handful of sleepy hours before it was time for the morning nursing. And so it was until the first year came and went, and we looked at each other as if we had just emerged from a foggy haze of a different reality.

Now 18 months old, my daughter sleeps regularly from 8-ishpm to somewhere around 7am for her first morning breastfeeding. My husband and I still switch off on morning baby time so the other can get an extra hour or so of sleep. And though it doesn't sound like tons, due to white noise and ear plugs, we get more sleep than our neighbors with newborns. And now, I truly love and appreciate when my head hits the pillow and my body sinks into my Tempurpedic- it is like sleepy heaven! And though we get more sleep now, it still doesn't prevent us from reminiscing about when we used to sleep in together and when whether or not going to late night concerts was determined more or less if we had the cash and liked the band, not on who would be taking the morning shift and whether they would be able to do so on 4 hours of sleep. And it doesn't prevent us from contemplating whether or not to watch a movie, hang out, have "stay-at-home" date night, play music or go to sleep. Yet at least we now feel like functioning parents versus parental, zombie figure-heads weaving our way through a sleepless maze of weird baby-decisions with fluctuating lifestyle changes. That said, my advice for the preggo mommies out there reflects that of those outgoing strangers who gave it to me: Get your sleep NOW before baby comes.

Managing the To-Do's (& September's List)

My daily to-do lists used to have the tendency of being a bit overwhelming, making some people shiver at their mere appearance. But to get through them, I had to be determined and dig right into the lengthy lists that wrapped themselves around me, engulfing my every move, thought and action. During the day, I would work hard to check off those intimidating boxes and during the night or in between tasks, I found myself thinking of more things to add to that cursed list. That is how it was, however, until I gave birth to my daughter. Prior to that blessed event, the to-do's and their nasty lists took over my life. I worked hard to keep them at bay, but all of my hobbies and responsibilities required regular attention if I were to stay involved in them all.

Adding Fun Tasks To-Do's
Back then, I started by only listing the essential boring tasks that fostered income, keeping the electricity on, and food on the shelf. But my huge love of fun and entertainment were slowly getting pushed to the side. That's when I read a tip about adding your fun and regular daily stuff to your day's tasks. By each task having similar check boxes at their side, it gives your fun stuff the same importance as your other mandatory to-do's. So I added other things, like "take a shower," "go on a bike ride," and "practice drums." Once the fun and regular stuff were added, I was able to check off more and more boxes during the day, which in turn gave me a sense of accomplishment. And soon, I became addicted to seeing how many boxes I could get checked off in one day.

Okay, Adding Too Much Fun
Just like any other person (who doesn't have a maid, bookkeeper, or personal shopper), trying to maintain a household takes a lot of daily to-do's. But then, add some to-do's of an artist, musician, athlete, and entrepreneur: that's where your already-full day becomes so much fuller. I would rush from doing quick stretches in the morning, to walking the dogs, to having cereal, sitting down to work in my home office, sneak quick calls or emails to friends and family while eating a pre-made lunch, rush for a swim in the river (or snowshoe out back if it were winter), make some phone calls to prospective clients, do some more work, go on an after work mountain bike ride, then come home for band practice, eat dinner, watch some tv, work on a painting and sleep, only to repeat it the next day (just typing it all now makes me feel overwhelmed!). And just when I realized that I needed to cut a little bit out for the sake of having some "down" time and my sanity, I had my daughter.

Managing the Manageable Daily To-Do's
After I had my daughter, I cut all of my activities in half, (no, make that a quarter), which greatly reduced my to-do's. At first, it was against my will, but those little eyes and that great big smile made it all worth it. So now, instead of a 2 hour bike-ride with my hubbie and friends, I now ride 20 minutes by myself. Instead of 4 different fun activities for me each day, I now aim for one and try to integrate my daughter into it or do it when she naps. My overall to-do lists may still be many pages long, but they house my overall to-do's for the year, not day.

My daily lists are now more streamlined, thanks to some advice from a life coach. They're more practical for someone who has a lot on their plate but can't think of only themselves; you know, someone like a mom. I list my intent for the day (work some, play some), my actual have-to's for the day and only one aspect of a long-term goal (finish logo design, go on bike ride, play with daughter, call about hanging new art shows), and some things I want to have happen (bring me peaceful people in my life today, bring me a nice person that can help me get a lower APR on my credit cards, attract the perfect agent for my children's book). Then days later, I go back to that list and record the result. Oddly enough, I get more of my daily to-do's done because I have streamlined them per the day. This keeps my thoughts focused for the day versus letting my eyes wander to the hundreds of tasks on my overall yearly list that get me panicked and sidetracked.

Sample Monthly Business To-Do's:
In a separate note, blogger Modite asked people to submit their September to-do's to share and learn from another. Here is an example of what my slimmed-down monthly to-do list for my Art, Illustration and Design business now looks like (note: there is nothing for fun, for my household or for my daughter on here, simply business):

• Blog once a week with at least 4 Twitter and Facebook updates through the month
• Get 2 more design and marketing clients
• Start learning Flash (to make animations for my clients)
  
• Email client list regarding new designs, referral program, partnering with new web programmers, etc.
• Complete 2 large artworks for upcoming art show at Dragonfly Cuisine
  
• Submit press release and email blasts for late month art show at Full Circle Movement
  
• Create an illustration a week to accompany my blog posts
• Update recent illustrations my website
• Review my Google AdWords account

(I won't even add all of the other things that I'd want to put on the list! These are just the most practical for me to get done this month).

All in all, it's all a juggling act that takes a lot of practice and determination to get things accomplished. However, the pay off is worth it to me because despite the crazy dance of organizing madness in odd to-do list formats, I get to both have a roof over my head, do something I love for work, have a great hubbie and daughter AS WELL AS get to go enjoy the outdoors on a regular basis with my family.

Illustration above: To-Do, copyright Sara Zimmerman 2009