Sleep... what's that?

When my baby belly protruded into the Earth's outer atmosphere, strangers felt secure enough to give me mothering and baby advice knowing I was very pregnant, not overweight. Tagging along with the unsolicited commentary was always something along the line as, "get your sleep now." What? This made no sense to me at 3 months pregnant when I got to sleep 8 hours a night like I always had, nor did it at 8 months when BabyZ kicked me religiously through the night preventing me from a sound slumber. Get my sleep now? Yeah right- it'll be better when this kid's out of me and not kickin' through the night.

I had these silly ideals that somehow my parenting experience would be remarkably different than everyone else. I thought this mainly because as artists/musicians, my husband and I were unlike many people we knew at that time and chose to do things more alternatively/ non-traditionally than many of my pregnant counterparts. So I figured the advice given from strangers with assumed non-similar traditions would not apply to me. Little did we know that infants don't know the difference. All they know is eat, sleep, poop, coo, play and repeat every few hours. They don't care if it's 2AM or 4AM and if you are trying things naturally or traditionally, or if you have to wake up early the next day to work or if you are sick, or have a horrible headache or just need some creative, alone time. All they know and care about are their needs. The rest is beyond their world or concern.

The first year challenged our sleep regimen, especially without relatives close by. We worked with attachment parenting and parent directed feeding practices in the first year trying to extend our baby's sleep (and ultimately ours). Cali did best co-sleeping with us. I, however, didn't sleep too well. I had the new mom's heightened awareness of movement and noise as well as a bright night light on so I could wake up and see her breathing throughout the night. We finally decided to move her into her own bed at 5 months when she started waking at 2 am and began singing. That's when we all started sleeping a bit better. Then my husband and I negotiated a schedule, switching off early morning wake-up calls with other bartered duties. And since we both had little work at that time, we often were able to "catch up" with a nap when she napped. But "catching up" never amounted to much because it only sewed 5 hours into 7 hours, or occasionally 7 hours into 9. And rarely would the 5 or 7 hours be 5 hours of straight sleep; they were more like patching a few hours here and there together.

The chance we'd get to indulge in anymore sleep aligned with weekend visits from Grandma. And since she took our shifts in the morning, we'd try to maintain our marriage by heading out after the last breastfeeding for late night rock shows. But since those nights started late and ended at 1 or 2AM, we would really only get a handful of sleepy hours before it was time for the morning nursing. And so it was until the first year came and went, and we looked at each other as if we had just emerged from a foggy haze of a different reality.

Now 18 months old, my daughter sleeps regularly from 8-ishpm to somewhere around 7am for her first morning breastfeeding. My husband and I still switch off on morning baby time so the other can get an extra hour or so of sleep. And though it doesn't sound like tons, due to white noise and ear plugs, we get more sleep than our neighbors with newborns. And now, I truly love and appreciate when my head hits the pillow and my body sinks into my Tempurpedic- it is like sleepy heaven! And though we get more sleep now, it still doesn't prevent us from reminiscing about when we used to sleep in together and when whether or not going to late night concerts was determined more or less if we had the cash and liked the band, not on who would be taking the morning shift and whether they would be able to do so on 4 hours of sleep. And it doesn't prevent us from contemplating whether or not to watch a movie, hang out, have "stay-at-home" date night, play music or go to sleep. Yet at least we now feel like functioning parents versus parental, zombie figure-heads weaving our way through a sleepless maze of weird baby-decisions with fluctuating lifestyle changes. That said, my advice for the preggo mommies out there reflects that of those outgoing strangers who gave it to me: Get your sleep NOW before baby comes.