Tantrums and the two's

Shizer! My daughter is good at a lot of things. She is just under two and she can already draw faces, say the ABC's and count to 20. I'm impressed. But what she is really good at is throwing a tantrum. In fact, if colleges gave scholarships to toddlers based on the passion they show in a tantrum, my daughter would have a full ride and a master's degree paid for.

No one believes me though. They see those hazel eyes, those adorable cheeks, and the cute "I want that, please" look that she has been practicing regularly. When I tell people she's a screamer, they think I am crazy. And for the most part, she is a good girl. But once in a while, (or should I say once a day), the "please Mommy" and "no, Sweetie" end in a whirlwind of screaming, thrashing and ear-piercing "no's" that leave my husband and I no choice but time-outs.

And so time-outs are a regular happening in my household. We count to three and then say "Okay, you can have some time for yourself in time-out." As we bring her into her room and place her in her crib we try to explain why she is having a time out. We leave her with a few books and dolls and tell her we will be back in three minutes after she has some time to get out her anger. We explain it's okay to be angry, but not everyone wants to have it be part of their experience so she can do it by herself. And while it pained me to do it at first, listening to the helpless cries and yelps, I now find that she quiets faster and listens more when we ask her if she needs a time-out. Previously our tactic was to sit close by and be there for her, but she would just hit, thrash and continue on for over 15 minutes. When she starts to freak out, we now say, "that is not how we communicate in this family. What do you need and what is a better way to ask?" Since she has a large vocabulary and knows a lot of sign language, she can usually explain the problem. When she whimpers, we reiterate that whining is not an effective way to communicate or get what you want. Simply ask nice and say please.

Maybe this is too disciplined or too loose... I don't know. But it works for our family (so far). And I prefer it to being hit or the ear-piercing screams (which had oddly seemed to contribute to my husband's hearing loss more than his pre-baby guitar playing).

Illustration: "Wahhhhhh" copyright 2009 Sara Zimmerman